we had a guest speaker at church, last night - [Andrea Giffith from "Revive our Hearts" ministries] - addressing the ladies, sharing her testimony, etc. Her talk was entitled "Beauty for Ashes" (from text in Isaiah 61:1-3)
she had some very convicting things to say about many subjects, but what stood out to me, perhaps the most, was how we begin to physically suffer (chronic fatigue, chronic pain, depression, "no rest, no strength") because of "a root of bitterness" in our hearts. That really resonated with me - particularly with the ongoing health struggles I've had and for which my doctor has been able to really do little.
and I would say "bitterness" definitely describes my general disposition for the last several weeks, which may explain the resurgence of migraines and fatigue (and cystic acne which has again ravaged my face and back), etc.
so without compromising the appropriate "boundaries" that I've been fighting to set up with various "difficult persons" over the past few weeks (as I was even discussing with my boss yesterday re my "prickles" being up, and that I am resolved to STOP exhausting myself over building bridges that won't ever reach the other side of some chasms), nevertheless I do not like living with myself when I am "feeling" this way, and feel I must do some serious heart-examination....
among other passages, am meditating on Psalm 32, today.
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